Monday, September 16, 2013

Running in a circe - How I get out of my emotional circle


Running in a circle
(1009130433-0451,1609131928-1946)

Emotionally I ran
in the same circle for years
over and over again.

Constantly I was battling
the same problems.
Constantly I had the same worries
and constantly
I whined and complained
about the load I had to carry.

I wanted to enjoy
my life as well,
but that did not seem to be
granted to me.

By now I have turned old
but I have not learned
any additional wisdom.

I did not see
that God had wanted to show me
a way out of my emotional circle
all along
because in my mind
he had nothing to say
in my life.

I was angry with him
and instead of accepting his advice
and searching in his word
for answers to my condition
he only got to feel my anger.

But with my own wisdom alone
I did not find the way
out of my negative circle.

I did not get the idea
that I had to calm down
and be quiet
before I could hear
his soft and quiet voice
in my heart.

I did not know
that the whining and complaining,
the moaning and grumbling
blocked my view
and because of that
I could not find the right way.

I did not think
that God’s emotional healing
of my heart
starts small and almost unnoticeable
and I had to nurture that growth
like a fragile plant.
All I ever wanted to experience from him
was a big miracle.

I did not realize
that on my path out of my circle
I will encounter obstacles
that I could only overcome with God’s help.
I had imagined that God’s paths
always had to be easy.

Oh what wrong ideas did I have,
what a straight path had to look like.
I wanted to have it easy.
I did not want to have to fight
with my negative emotions
and I wanted to experience luck
in the midst of my
emotional laziness
and impulsivity.
I did not want to change myself.

But that is not how it worked
and as long as I kept that attitude
I kept on turning in the same circle.


Theme:   How I get out of my emotional circle

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