Green Heart: Trauma - What happens when you can’t let go of your destructive past

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Trauma - What happens when you can’t let go of your destructive past

Trauma

(0308131732-1929,1508130751-0817)

How much longer do I want to

carry my trauma with me?

What happened was terrible,

but at the moment

I bring it into my presence

on a daily basis.

The feelings from back then

are not extinguished

but have grown.

To never again

be so helpless and powerless,

I now control everything

that I possibly can,

but that does not help either.

In order to never blindly trust,

I have grown cold nowadays

and do not trust anyone anymore.

When someone wants to

do me any good

I use him at best

but I do not trust anyone anymore.

I did not seem to mind

for a long time

that this made me

more and more lonely,

but by now I perish

due to my own behavior.

That I circle around

in the same destructive thought patterns

all over again

and lose out on the true joy in life,

I have not noticed

for a long time

because I had to be right

in all things anyway.

How broken I am

is noticed by people around me

much better then by myself.

I only notice it

when someone avoids me again

because I have grossly mistreated him

with my words and deeds.

Hatred and bitterness

will rule me as long

as I let them rage in me.

The emotional protective wall

that I built up around me

became my own prison.

The self-pity that I circle in

keeps my prison doors

tightly locked.

How much longer do I want to stay bitter

and by that make my life

and that of people around me like hell?

How much longer do I want to

spoil my life with mistrust and control?

How much longer

do I want to carry my trauma

around with me

and not let go?

Theme: What happens when you can’t let go of your destructive past

No comments:

Post a Comment

Logo meaning

When choosing a name and a logo for the poetry there were several things I considered:

Shape:

I have chosen the heart for the poetry touches the heart. It reaches deep within the soul of a person and is intended to bring about thoughts that one usually does not think about in the busyness of every day life. The shape of the heart is purposely uneven. It means that the poetry is there for the big and the small, the rich and the poor, the educated and the uneducated, the strong and the weak. It is my desire to reach out and bring hope to everyone who recognizes that deep within his heart there is an imbalance.

Face:

The heart has a face for a person who has recognized his own misconduct and has cleaned it up, can come to rest within him, and his heart can smile again. No matter how bad the outside circumstances are there can be inner peace and joy that will radiate to the outside. It puts a smile on the heart when a person has learned to no longer be controlled by his own negative emotions.

Color:

The color green represents hope. It is also a color where your soul can come to rest. Green is the color for growth of plants. Growth takes time; some things grow slower, others faster. A person who recognizes the need for a change enters into a process that takes time and that is why this heart is white at the bottom and slowly turns green.

General information about the poetry

Coming alongside people who are dissatisfied with their life and struggling with it as well as current events in the media often makes me think and gives me reason to ponder upon. After I have been able to put myself into a specific situation, not only with my intellect but with my feelings as well, I often come up with poems and short stories. The current situation may only be the initiating thought for something new to write and the story may go a different direction. By now I have learned I better put those thoughts to paper immediately otherwise I am no longer able to write about it at a later time. After I have written down a poem I make no or only minimal changes to it.

In my literature I speak about situations that are true in general and that can be understood no matter what the age or culture. They reach deep within the human soul because they bring up wrongs that repeat themselves over the generations in principle. I realized very soon that poems, which were written about certain situations, were also enjoyed by other people who had nothing to do with that situation. I’m not afraid to exaggerate and clearly write about things that many would like to sweep under the rug. Some things may be infuriating, but the pain that could be caused by cleaning up an old wound may be worthwhile after all.

Many readers tell me that they enjoy reading my literature over and over again because when they are in a different mood they notice that they discover all new aspects in it.

The first poems were stored away for years. I finally decided to let some individuals read them and they have all motivated me to publish and sell them. I have since then decided to publish them myself and to just give them away. Upon special requests and for special occasions different booklets have been made. Within a short period of time my literature was taken to many different countries around the globe. At that point my writings had to be passed on by someone to someone else or be found by chance to know about it. In June of 2012 I started to make some of my literature available on this blog. My poetry soon found their use in schools, hotels, churches, doctor offices, counseling centers, prisons, and many other places. Beggars and lawyers have read them alike, from simple people all the way to politicians. I wish for every reader to make the best of it.

Please do respect the fact that I publish anonymous for otherwise I would not be able to authentically do what I am currently doing: Being there for the average human being who has found himself in great distress. It is also important to me to point to our loving heavenly father by what I write and I do not want readers to get the idea to admire me for I am merely a sign pointing in the right direction. Give God the credit for what is happening and not me as an author please. Many blessings and healing for all those who take to heart what they have been reading.

Publishing

There have been several requests for publications in different countries made already. I am very happy about that for I think the content of my literature is valuable enough for many people. As a publisher please be aware that there are no solely publishing rights to individual publishers in a certain country. When using my material I would ask for notification as to what gets published when it gets published and where it gets published. For notification it is sufficient to use the comment button available at the bottom of any of my poems. When publishing please put Green Heart as a source with the BlogSpot address. Also please contact Green Heart for more literature guidelines.