Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Sorrow - From accusations to thankfulness



Sorrow
(3110052255-2359,2306120646-0717)

It will be years
before I understand
the reason for what
you have caused me to go through.
But one thing is for sure:
it totally threw me off course.
My whole existence
was shaken,
my hopes and dreams scattered.
Earlier I saw life with pink colors
but for a long time
I could only see black.
But slowly I can feel
that there are other colors.
Colors that I would otherwise
not have realized
because life is far more
than hope and disappointment.
Sometimes I wonder
what would have come of me
if I would have gotten
all of my wishes and my will.
I would probably be
so busy with myself
that I could not see
my surroundings in a real sense.
Career, entertainment
and lust would be
on the list of things
that were desperately to be done.
I would have repressed
any possible feelings of guilt
that necessary restoration and
management of them
would not have found a place
even at the bottom of my list.
It’s YOUR fault
that I had to endure
all this suffering.
It was YOU
who robbed me
of my joy
for a long time.
Because of YOU
I cannot do
many things now.
I could have really
let you have it.
Until one day I realized
there was
a more important reason
and you knew
why you locked my door.
YOU changed everything.
YOU examined me
through and through.
By that YOU gave me the chance
to recognize my true self.
But YOU did not
leave me alone in this process.
YOU locked one door
while opening another one
and waited patiently
until I decided
to turn around.
Now you gave me new friends,
people who understand
my situation quite well.
I no longer need to buy
the attention of others
at all cost
and plead to find
an open ear.
It’s YOUR fault
that I am doing better now.
I can thank YOU
that I now have friends
who value and respect me.
YOU were the teacher
who trained me
in a new job.
YOU came up
with the idea
to throw me out of my nest
because it had long been
too small for me
and I did not know
that I could fly.
YOU,
for a long time
I was not sure
if I should love
or hate YOU
for what you did to me.
But by now
I am wondering more and more
it there was a bit of love
in all the sorrow.


Themes:   Why God sometimes allows bad things to happen
                   From accusations to thankfulness

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