Friday, June 29, 2012

Pathetic - From total chaos inside to restoration


Pathetic
(0502120611-0702, 1102122119-2211)

My condition was
pathetic
when Jesus found me.
I have neglected
to do so much
of what is good and right
and now I am stuck
in a dead end street.
My own ego
did not only rule
but raged within me.
Chaos of different degrees
ruled in all areas
of my life
but on the outside
I kept a good appearance
and acted as if everything is OK.
But that did not work
because what is in the heart
comes out of the mouth.
Actually everyone knew
that I was at my wits end
but I still did not allow
any help.
I built up a high wall
around the raging chaos
within me
and locked the gate to it.
How can there be
so much disorder
all at once?
Where did I maneuver
myself to?
What came of me?
Why was
the principle of lust
my utmost command?
It only got me
into a lot of trouble!
When I met Jesus
and started to feel
his warmth and love
I was a big mess inside.

But now I can feel
that he intervenes.
His love for me
is more then I have gotten
from anyone.
Without thinking twice
I gave Jesus the key
to my walled up heart
and allowed him access
to my chaos.
For a long time
I did not believe
that he can restore
all areas of my life
and when I let him govern
I feel best about myself.
I thought I was
a hopeless case,
one that just barely survived.
But no,
Jesus returns
my joy in life.
He gives me tasks
and the joy
to accomplish them.
He cleans up
my mess
and I can bring
my raging ego to him.
Only he is strong enough
to handle it properly.
Through his life
and his words
he showed me so much.
Now my life gets meaning,
joy returns,
and peace moves in.
I don’t have to be
good enough
for him to accept me.
He told me
that I can just lay
all my pathetic ways
at his feet.
Now Jesus
cleans me up.
I can say goodbye
to destructive and wrong
thought patterns
piece by piece.
He exchanges
my pathetic life
with real joy
and gives me purpose.
I have to truly say
that I am excited
about all the changes
within me.


Theme:   From total chaos inside to restoration

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